Kim is Über-Thankful

Recipe for a great audition:

1. practice until you can't practice anymore
2. get beaten up by your private teacher
3. rally everyone you know to pray for you and pray a lot yourself
4. be told that you're the best thing since Marilyn Horne by your private teacher
5. have your friends freak out on you and cause massive drama the entire week before
6. practice and pray until you can't anymore
7. pick out a pretty dress
8. wake up early and warm-up
9. get there early
10. go in there and knock it out of the park

Thank God.

I had my concerto competition audition today and I sang three of Mahler's Rückertlieder (Ich atmet' einen Lindenduft, Liebst du um Schönheit, Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen). Those pieces are out-of-this-world gorgeous. I always feel so honored to be able to sing them. I wanted so badly to do them justice and today I feel like I accomplished something. Everyone on the panel enjoyed my performance and I had such a wonderful time. It was a win-win situation and I couldn't be happier.

Mahler, you make my life.

The Psychology of Life

I swear -- there is a secret code that, if known, can solve all your social problems. There must be an algorithm. I just need to find it!

Tammy has been playing "good cop, bad cop" with me lately. Just what I need right now. She's really hard on me/annoyed one day and the next she's like "Omgosh, you sound beautiful" etc etc. She's been putting stuff on my recital/jury, taking it off, putting it back on...in short, making me crazy. She's trying to rattle my cage. I'm not going to let it get to me!

That's what's amazing about private voice teachers -- they not only teach you how to sing, but they teach you how to live. She's preparing me for my LIFE. It's crazy to have someone in your life who is purposely trying to improve you not only in your craft, but in the way you present yourself to the world.

Here's a beautiful quote that a soprano friend of mine posted. Her voice teacher in Hungary (from when she was studying there) said this to her:

"Singing, the feeling inside when you are singing...enjoy it...remember that feeling...because the sound that results from this feeling is you...it feels good because this sound is you. Singing is who you are. No one else can make that sound for you. It is your own. Use it. Embrace it. Share it."

I am so inspired by this. Tammy has said some really deep things to me, too. These are the sort of quotes that push me onward, that make me remember that THIS IS IT and that I'm doing the right thing with my life. Honestly, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. It's a little scary but totally exciting.

Notte e giorno faticar

Saturday night I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing Chris Alden's new Don Giovanni at the NYCO. And it was an experience.

It was truly a work of art -- I will say that. It was a visual, intellectual, and musical pleasure. He did so many innovative things. Some things worked really well and others didn't, but absolutely no production is perfect. Nevertheless, it was a masterful work of art. The tempi and the staging and the concepts were always deliberate. You could tell that he had specific details in mind for each character and each scene.

There are two specific comments that I'd like to make on the production. First of all, I loved his choice of setting. It WORKED, especially in Act II. I also loved how he handed the truly climatic moments such as the beginning, the very end, and the entire scene with the Commendatore.

The one decision that really stood out to me was the fact that all three women were the same. Granted all three women are written for soprano, but a director usually switches up the voice types. For example, you'll have a full lyric soprano, a light lyric soprano, and a lyric mezzo. In this production, all three women were lyric sopranos and their voices were similar. Also, their physicality was the same when they were dealing with Don Giovanni. All three women reacted the same way (physically) to Don Giovanni. This cannot be a coincidence. It was so exact that it must have been planned. This is a very interesting concept and it definitely adds depth to the show.

However, the best part of the night was definitely meeting Chris Alden himself. Isabel introduced us and I got to speak with Mr. Alden! I was so honored and excited. He was very chill and intelligent. It was a really great moment for me.

This is my first season with NYCO and I'm really liking it so far. I saw Weisgall's Esther last Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed it. Unfortunately I will not be getting back to the Met until the end of December. My crazy concert schedule keeps me away. :( It's okay though -- next time I'm there, I'll be seeing Richard Strauss (again!) so it's worth the wait. :)

I Want the World...I Want the Whole World!

Opera Theater of Saint Louis is hosting the world premiere of The Golden Ticket, a new opera based on Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. One of my favorite mezzos, Jennifer Rivera, is playing Veruca Salt. (Of course the mezzo would play the bratty kid...)

As exciting as this is, this brings up a topic that I've been thinking about/talking with other people about recently. What is with this new trend of making musicals out of movies? Granted, Charlie is a book, but there are two big movies and a musical based on it already. Now there needs to be an opera of it? I think the question needs to be: is this good operatic material?

So here's my problem: medium. Every medium -- be it opera, broadway musical, movie, play, novel, whatever -- has its inherent strong points. Some stories just work in a certain medium. When you start juggling it around, the story loses its original impact. Shrek the musical? Spiderman the musical? An opera based on An Inconvenient Truth? I mean, come on -- who thought this was a good idea? You see the same thing happen when they make your favorite book into a movie. Some movie renditions are wonderful and they even enhance the original story, but some books just lose all their power when they're put into movie form.

I've noticed a trend, especially in broadway musicals, and I think that these media are being compromised because everything new that is being written isn't taking into account the strengths and weaknesses of the form in mind. I could blame it all on commercialism, but this trend began before the recession came in full-force. I think the cause is more laziness than anything. There isn't a commitment to the craft. There needs to be a commitment to the craft! Nothing good ever came from half-hearted writing.

Joyce Didonato said it perfectly in her last post when she explained Dr. George Gibson's philosophy. He believes in the three Ds: Dedication, Disclipline, and Determination. I think that is such a great motivator and thing to live by. If only the entertainment industry would do the same...

Winter uncovers distances...

Dear Life,

How can you be so complex and lovely and draining all at once? I've been here so long, trying in vain to peer through you, but all I see are nameless things-- those things which inspire and confound and ignite.

Open to me! Show me your secrets! Explain yourself. Unravel the hand-knit knots that plague my mind. Night and day you stare me down and laugh because I cannot stare back long enough to win against you. Give in just this once--let me beat you!

God, you present such beautiful things: the scent of winter's fireplaces on the night air, the feel of a wool scarf on my fragile throat, the sight of a kiss blown across the room from one so beloved, the sound of enchanting music -- music to break my heart from an abundance of love.

I gather it all about me; I try to let it seep in. My soul desires and yet resists. When will anything make sense?

See, you have tired me out! I can only sleep now. Unconsciousness beckons to me. I cannot push it away; I cannot stop my hearing. I seek it out as it searches after me. Sleep--one of my favorite dance partners. Let us waltz!

Until tomorrow. Only until tomorrow. Then we shall begin all over again. Conflict, love, tension, release, revelation...

Love,
me

The Skinny on Skinny

I walked into work today and the first words out of my coworker's mouth were,

"Hey there, skinny girl!"

I'm proud to announce that I am wearing a size 10 pair of jeans today. In May, I was pushing a 14. Here's the story:

In May, I was cast in the opera and I said to myself, "Now this is real. In order to have this career, I need to look amazing." I was really inspired by something that Natalie Dessay (a very successful opera singer) said in an interview. She said, "[If you're on stage,] you have to make people dream." I agree with that. Also, I'm totally committed to my artistry and I want to make my character look like they would if they really existed. It needs to be realistic on every level. Prince Orlofsky, a spoiled brat rich teenage boy, is definitely skinner than I am. Besides, I work so hard on my technique and my languages and everything- why should I work any less on this aspect of my performance? I can't let anything get in my way. Therefore I started to try.

The first five attempts/strategies did not work. Some were a lot of work (and I lost literally ZERO pounds) and some made me sick (I got off them immediately) but I've never used pills and I've only done things naturally. (I will talk in a second about the health aspect of this.)

While I was in Austria, I ate tons of pastries and sang my butt off and dropped to a 12. But I couldn't do anything after that and I couldn't go back to Austria and simulate the experience, so I was stuck once again. Two weeks ago, I started a new diet that has finally worked and I am now a size 10. I am thanking God every day because SOMETHING IS FINALLY WORKING! Sure, I'm not eating any of my favorite foods, but it's worth it! I learned that everyone's body is different and you have to find what works for your chemistry. I guess it's like everything else in life: when things don't work the first time, try something else and never give up!

Now, I was committed to losing weight in a healthy way, because I think that it's very important. Looking good means nothing if you're not healthy. Besides, as an opera singer, my body is my instrument and I have changed my lifestyle on a few accounts in order to keep it in top condition. As a singer, you also have to be extremely careful about losing weight because fat distribution affects your singing and technique. (There's an extremely interesting blog post about how your body type affects the sort of vocal problems that you will encounter.) Dropping weight too fast or unnaturally can cause major issues with your voice. That is the last thing I need because it totally defeats the purpose of losing weight in the first place!

So here's my thing: if you want something bad enough, work hard to get it. Go for what you want! I still have a ways to go (and this will probably be a life-long endeavor of mine), but I'm willing to do it because I love what I'm doing and I will do anything I can to be completely successful at it.

Prince Orlofsky, here I come!

Everything = Opera

I love how everything in my life always relates back to opera.

I was doing laundry with my mom last night (or rather, I was watching her do laundry and blabbing on about my life) and she picked up this red V-neck T-shirt and said,

"I've never seen this shirt before. Who's is it? Is this yours?"

"No," I answered. "That must be Ryan's -- it's a boy shirt. I can tell the difference between boy's clothes and girl's clothes." (I am so proud of my amazing skillz at this point.)

My mom laughed and said,

"Yeah, that's because you wear both."

Touché.